After a traumatic experience, or for that matter during a traumatic experience, it can be hard to be present in our thinking.
So often we find ourselves thinking of the past or worrying about the future - we don’t recall, know or feel it’s possible to be in the present moment. Sometimes it simply feels too painful to be in the present moment that we suppress as a way to cope, however, this often brings up subconscious behavior. Some examples of negative subconscious behaviors are: using negative words, feeling jealous or being hateful unknowingly and projecting this on others, being angry in a spur of the moment, spending time criticizing other people and situations, or like we said earlier living in the past or future.
For more in-depth information on Trauma or Our Focus, visit our website. For now, what you need to know after having gone through a traumatic experience is:
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Changes have occurred and one of those changes is to the amygdala which is located in the brain where it is put on high alert so ‘what you think and feel’ can feel really big, I mean REALLY BIG! (see what I did there - hehe) Some other changes will be in how you learn.
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Your child, and likely yourself, now understand how it feels to be ‘unsafe’ due to factors likely out of your control. This often means the nervous system is overloaded so your child, and likely yourself, can be put into automatic responses which happen in seconds as a way for the body to keep you safe.
- As a result of the traumatic experience, perception has been altered. This goes for anyone that has experienced trauma. Everything feels so big, so new and so unknown.
The Purpose of Our Sea Turtle:
Our Sea Turtle has been designed to remind you to engage your conscious mind and to be present. But, what does that really mean and how do you go about doing that?
Remember children learn well by mimicking so let’s go into some symbolic characteristics and values they can mimic of the Sea Turtle. This will help remind them not only by having someone with them wherever they go, because let’s face it we can’t always be there, but it serves as a visual reminder of the skills they can use.
Symbolic Values of Our Sea Turtle:
When designing all our supportive little buddies we looked at the characteristics of what different animals have, what they represent and how they act in real life. For this particular skill to be learned, in diving into ‘the now’ (being present) and learning to engage the conscious mind, the Sea Turtle became our top choice. Check out the Skills & Characteristics below to learn why.
Sea Turtle’s Skills & Characteristics:
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THIS ANIMAL CHOOSES TO RESPOND CONSCIOUSLY
The first step in being present is understanding there are three stages that represent our state of mind: unconscious*, subconscious** and conscious***. The second step is understanding our state of mind and more specifically how our ego states of mind will influence thoughts and actions.
Our Sea Turtle chooses to engage in the conscious mind so it thinks before it says something or does something. It pays attention to details so it can understand the whole situation.*conscious mind is what we’re actively thinking about
**subconscious mind is what we’ve learned and stored in our brain
*** unconscious mind is what we’re not aware of at all.
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THIS ANIMAL IS PRESENT
A sea turtles journey, from hatching on sandy shores to navigating the vast oceans, reflects our life journey. It embodies longevity, endurance, and persistence all of which resonate with our core values.
Our sea turtle navigates the world knowing that we all often worry about the past or the future, but knows it cannot change the past and it cannot predict the future, all it has control of is how it chooses to show up in the present moment and the perception it chooses to hold.
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THIS ANIMAL IS PATIENT AND CALM
The sea turtle's gentle demeanor and slow pace are reminders to take life in stride. We are reminded to be patient with ourselves as we navigate rough waters on our journey to calmer seas. This requires that one must acknowledge how their upbringing molds their emotional states and impacts unconscious and subconscious behavior.
Turtles embody wise, calm, and patient leadership - carrying confidence on their backs after learning from challenges.
All of the Skills and Characteristics we’ve outlined above are the essentials needed to learning to be present and engage conscious thinking however they can be built upon so if your child sees their Sea Turtle as a soft and adorable, heavy, confident, vulnerable, intuitive, distinctive, beautiful presence - all of those are amazing characteristics and yes we also considered those into why and how we designed our Sea Turtle. Making sure this supportive little buddy was well weighted to help calm the nervous system was essential and purposely created within its' design.
How-to Use our Sea Turtle with your Child:
To the big question, ‘how do I use our Sea Turtle avatar in day to day life?’
To break this down well we will circle back to the skills and characteristics our Sea Turtle is helping us learn: to respond with conscious thinking, choosing to be present and choosing to be calm and patient with ourselves.
In the beginning it's helpful to have these skills written out somewhere. When purchasing your supportive little buddy you can also purchase our how-to video which gives you great guidance. Some clients like to print our how-to on cards for a visual reminder so if that is something you'd like please shoot us an email at admin@lakunakai.com and we'd be happy to help you with that.
Alternatively if you are not purchasing the how-to video, additional cards or are working with a licensed therapist you can start by:
- Sitting down with your family and go through the characteristics and skills of the supportive little buddy.
- When you find yourself, or your child, becoming or being dysregulated we’d suggest in these moments that you recognize this not as an inconvenience as they had no choice in the matter nor did you but as a teachable moment.
- Slow down and use communication along with our coping tools to help the nervous system. This requires patience, time, consistency and an open non-judgmental environment to work through some big stuff. This step is utterly important and cannot be missed. The nervous system is so often misunderstood and not taken care of so let's make sure this step isn't missed.
- Make a habit of slowing down and being present. You have to remember after a traumatic experience the nervous system changes how you function and it requires patience, time, consistency and an open non-judgmental environment to work through some big stuff. The nervous system needs you to slow down so it can try to process everything. A good game to start you on this journey with your supportive little buddy is by creating a new habit. Try this with your Sea Turtle:
It could look like this, say aloud or draw what you are grateful for:
In the beginning, start by using the basics as we’ve outlined above and use repetition - it’s likely what's needed.
From there you can build upon what you are grateful for which will come in time as you begin to come out of the fight-flight-freeze response.
Remember, be patient with yourself. It takes a lot to pull yourself out of automatic responses in order to feel safe and to begin making new patterns. It generally takes two years for the brain itself to heal so it’s worth doing what you can upfront so you can make the most of the new patterns being formed.
For us, when your always left waiting for the left foot to drop, it can be hard sometimes to ever truly feel safe. However, in adding some mindfulness practice and choosing to be present in every moment, this has allowed us to do our best everyday and it has helped our nervous system in not being too reactive.
- The Lakunakai Team