It’s not uncommon for many parents to feel the weight or pressure of being a good role model for their kids. If you are feeling this way, know that you are not alone and it’s no surprise you feel this way. Afterall there are things each of us went through as children and we all vowed we’d never let our kids go through or have to experience but where does that put us as parents in interacting with our kids and teaching them fundamental skills such as how to communicate their feelings or how they are showing up in different situations? Well, we think it starts with communication and that requires effort and more than anything interest.
Here are some tips on communication that will get you off to a good start:
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Regularly Talk With Your Child
In the car, on a walk, on a road trip, talk about the day - whatever it may be - just be sure to start the conversation. It may not be the best time to talk every time you try, but do try and learn as you go on what times or situations are better than others.
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Describe The Day
Ask, care and be interested about how their day went and see how much detail you can get back. Have fun with this and don’t keep it the same old boring conversation. It helps if you give examples so they can recall all of what happened in their busy day and be sure to share how your day went as well. It’s important for them to know about you and be interested in your day too.
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Listen, Repeat and Reply to What Your Child Has to Say
Kids do a lot of learning by mimicking. What this means is they will often learn by repeating things that you do.
When you’ve engaged in a conversation remember to listen, repeat and reply to what has been said and then add onto what’s been said. An example of this is adding a question to what they’ve done in the day so they can explain or give further details - bond, be present and be engaged.
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Be Mindful of Your Body Language and Energy You Bring to the Conversation. Then, Be Accountable.
Just like we mentioned above, kids are great at mimicking. They can also be great at picking up subtle clues.
For example:
-If you are not engaged in the conversation - what they often see is that you are not interested in them and who they are. They personalize it.
-If you are dismissive, interrupt, yell or are short in your responses creating a thick environment to be in - they often pick up this body language, feel it and respond accordingly often meaning they get quiet and choose to say nothing keeping themselves safe. They are smart!
Chances are, if you don’t like how they are showing up to a conversation, it's likely you have shown up to a conversation in the same way at some point or another so recognize that, adjust yourself positively and accordingly, and next time you show up to the conversation show up in the way you want to see. Become their role model and communicate better while holding yourself accountable.
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Practice Conversations for Different Situations with Your Child
Kids are put into many different situations, most of them are new.
Help your kids learn what to do in different situations by talking out what they've experienced so they can better learn how to adapt (when required) and navigate those situations with less challenges. Role play works great for this.
For example:
-The bully at the school is saying things that hurt their feelings - for starters review what is said, see both perspectives in the situation, practice things they can say in those situations while keeping themselves safe and play out a few scenarios that could possibly play out. Be sure to check in with them on how it all went for them on their next run in with the bully situation. Do Not Bully or Tease Them, otherwise, you just made yourself the bully and created and unsafe place for them when it should always be safe.
-The test they didn’t do well on - practice where they were not understanding, teach them to accept accountability and learn how to improve for the next one. Then, be there for the next one to check in.
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Read Often and Regularly
Expand your horizon, perspectives and research different books to read. There are secret conversations, lessons and laughter in many of these reading sessions ahead so make time for it and be present. Plus, there can be such an array of feelings and emotions that can be learnt while reading without having to personalize it so get in a habit of naming the feelings and emotions seen without having the need to calm them while you read.
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Ask your Child for Help or Get Their Opinion
When working on something, ask for help or get your child’s opinion. This is a great place to start conversations, learn to solve problems and build on your connection.
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Learn to Journal Yourself, we’d suggest the Lakunakai way (click here to learn more), and Teach Your Kids this Valuable Tool
If you have not made a notable mark on your kids on what your priorities are like: them, date nights with your partner, the value of paying bills, how you choose to show up in the world and quite importantly self care then start now. Learn the value of journaling, reading and taking time to do things you enjoy. These are fundamental skills and yes the pressure is real but it's also really important you do these things for yourself so it's kind of like killing two birds with one stone if you will.
Stay tuned for upcoming blogs where we will show you how to incorporate our avatars into your daily conversations.
-The Lakunakai Team