Trauma changes each one of us and it affects all of us differently.
After going through a traumatic experience it’s ultimately up to each one of us to learn how to navigate our new world by creating new patterns of thinking. As a parent, it's up to us to help guide our children and we think this is done best if it’s better understood.
Let's take a minute to discuss in more detail how and why our Fox was designed so you can see how being clever and using playfulness will help in finding better solutions. The goal of this supportive little buddy is to help pull your child, and likely yourself, get out of the grips of trauma and not get stuck in cycles of traumatic memory or ruminating thoughts.
For more in-depth information on Trauma or Our Focus, visit our website. For now, what you need to know after having gone through a traumatic experience is:
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Changes have occurred and one of those changes is to the amygdala which is located in the brain where it is put on high alert so ‘what you think and feel’ can feel really big, I mean REALLY BIG! (see what I did there - hehe) Some other changes will be in how you learn so have patience with yourself and your child as you work together.
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Your child, and likely yourself, now understand how it feels to be ‘unsafe’ due to factors likely out of your control. This often means the nervous system is overloaded so your child, and likely yourself, can be put into automatic responses which happen in seconds as a way for the body to keep you safe.
- As a result of the traumatic experience, perception has been altered. This goes for anyone that has experienced trauma. Everything feels so big, so new and so unknown.
The Purpose of Our Fox:
Our Fox has been designed to teach us new ways of dealing with things by being clever and using playfulness to rewire the mind, creating new patterns of thinking. But what does that really mean and how do you go about doing that?
First, it's important to know that children learn well by mimicking which is one of the reasons why our supportive little buddy's symbolic characteristics and skills are helpful. Not only can the supportive little buddy go wherever they go but they also serve as reminder of the skills they can use. In some cases a visual reminder is best and that's were having a buddy on hand is great. In other cases a verbal reminder in using their supportive little buddy's name or 'the fox' does the trick.
If you are not already aware, kids are right half thinkers. This means they think with the right side of their brain most of the time as do patients suffering from PTSD or C-PTSD. What this means is working with a supportive little buddy where it is physically present is right up their alley in how they learn best.
Keeping in mind our focus, let's dive into 3 main skills and characteristics of the fox.
Symbolic Skills and Characteristics of Our Fox:
When designing all our supportive little buddy's we looked at different skills and characteristics of various animals, in other words what they represent and how they act in real life. For this particular skill to be learned, in changing behavior and thought patterns that no longer serve a purpose, the Fox became our top choice and below we've listed three main reasons why.
Fox’s Skills & Characteristics:
- THIS ANIMAL IS CLEVER
The first step in changing thought or behavior patterns, essentially rewiring the mind, is to embody the ability to be clever. A clever person faces changes or challenging situations with intelligence so it can interrupt old ways of thinking and behaving by creating new ones. Interrupting the mind when having ruminating thoughts, flashbacks and more is essential. And what’s just as essential is learning to rephrase those ones - Click here to learn more on rephrasing by using our Think It Out Journal. -
THIS ANIMAL USES PLAY
We acknowledge that the brain has changed and that the amygdala is on high alert making what we think and feel really big often throwing us back into the fight-flight-freeze response. With the help of some playfulness and a touch of trickery we can relax the mind giving it some natural happy brain chemicals. This is needed in order to get creative and solve some problems.
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THIS ANIMAL IS A CREATIVE PROBLEM SOLVER
We acknowledge that our perception has changed and that everything feels so big, so new and so unknown. In looking at problems, we solve them by learning new ways to think creatively while being open-minded so we can create new patterns of thinking and rewire the mind.
All of the Skills and Characteristics we’ve outlined above are the essentials needed to achieve success in rewiring the mind however they can be built upon so if your child sees their Fox as focused, a quick thinker, cute, a good parent, a trickster, a strategist, is cunning, alert or having a strong sense of humor while being a determined problem solver so it can adapt well - all of those are amazing skills and characteristics too and yes we also considered those into why and how we designed our Fox so bring those skills and characteristics they think of into your conversations and just remember to keep your focus on the three main reasons we've outlined above in your learning. Keeping it simple when the nervous system is overloaded is needed.
Helpful Tip: If you are going through trauma and learning these skills be easy on yourself. Know that you can come back to this blog post as many times as you need for a reminder and if your looking for a good trick consider writing the main skills to be learnt on post-its then put them on your fridge or walls in rooms until you all get the hang of it. The brain is a pattern making machine so the more you see the skills, practice the skills and talk out the skills the better they will be learned.
How-to Use our Fox with your Child:
To the big question, ‘how do I use our Fox supportive little buddy in day to day life?’
To break this down we will circle back to what skills and characteristics our Fox has in helping us with being clever, using playfulness and being a creative problem solver to rewire the mind.
In the beginning it's helpful to have these skills written out somewhere. When purchasing your supportive little buddy you can also purchase our how-to video which gives you great guidance. Some clients like to print our how-to on cards for a visual reminder so if that is something you'd like please shoot us an email at admin@lakunakai.com and we'd be happy to help you with that.
Alternatively if you are not purchasing the how-to video, additional cards or working with a licensed therapist you can:
- Sit down with your family and go through the characteristics and skills of the supportive little buddy.
- When you find yourself, or your child, becoming or being dysregulated we’d suggest in these moments that you recognize this not as an inconvenience as they had no choice in the matter nor did you but as a teachable moment.
- Slow down and use communication along with our coping tools to help the nervous system. This requires patience, time, consistency and an open non-judgmental environment to work through some big stuff. This step is utterly important and cannot be missed. The nervous system is so often misunderstood and not taken care of so let's make sure this step isn't missed.
- Make a habit or routine of creating a game or trying new things that require the use of all of these skills, this will create new patterns in the brain allowing you to cope better. You can find our free ‘Spill a Cup’ game outlined on our site or if time is limited you and your child can change the hand you use predominantly for eating, brushing your teeth or brushing your hair. This too makes the brain work the way you are wanting it to - it changes a regular pattern of thinking and doing something which is the goal.
On a final note, creating new patterns isn't easy so a big congrats to you in taking the first step. Repetition and frequency in the beginning is likely going to be what’s needed and that's the tough part. At times it can be hard to remember the value of why you are doing what you are doing so remember your why, make it fun, make it a challenge and get creative. At the end of the day we know it takes a lot to pull yourself out of automatic responses in order to feel safe and it generally takes two years for the brain itself to heal so it’s worth doing what you can upfront so you can make the most of the new patterns being formed.
You got this!
- The Lakunakai Team